Sunday, February 08, 2009

A Few Pictures

As I go about my daily doings, I come across things that confuse me a little, or annoy me a lot. When I encounter these I take a picture of them on my phone, where they often remain for an extended period. I have now transferred a handful of these to my PC, to share with you all here.

Say "thank you".

To kick off there's this beauty from Para-Ti Menswear and Womenswear.

Now firstly, what kind of name is Para-Ti for a company, or indeed anything? And secondly, what the merry mongoose is "directional men's and women's fashion"?

The next image actually manages to make even less sense than the previous one. Granted it's lovely that it's called (assuming you know someone called Bob), but that fact alone isn't sufficient to absolve all sins. You might need to click on it to read clearly the sentence in the bottom left corner - "Turn your digital photos into unique coffee-table books. Perfect for weddings, v and family pictures."

Yes, it's perfect for v. Do you have a lot of photos that you'd like put into coffee-table book form for use at a v? Perhaps some old pictures of family and friends that you'd like to share as a gift in book form at your nephew's upcoming v? Remember the last time you forgot your wife's v? You don't want to make that mistake again, do you? Why not get her the most memorable v gift imaginable, with one of these books?

And finally, the one that makes me rage like an aggressively provoked chicken. This sign appears at the top of the stairs at the train / tram station I get off at each morning to go to work. To get from the platform to street level you have the choice of taking either the lift (with the wheelchairs, pushchairs and dirty looks), the escalator (when it's working) or the stairs. If you're brave enough to attempt the latter you're greeted with this sign in congratulation.

The problem is that: It. Makes. No. Sense.

Think about it mathematically - "You have just burnt a 16th of the calories needed to avoid weight gain". Paraphrased, one trip up the stairs burns one sixteenth of the calories needed to avoid weight gain. Therefore SIXTEEN trips up the stairs will get rid of enough calories to avoid weight gain altogether. If you go up the stairs sixteen times (a day, presumably), you will never gain weight, NO MATTER WHAT ELSE YOU DO.

You could wake up early; say, 6am, pop to the station, walk up the stairs sixteen times, taking the lift down between each iteration obviously; you don't want to EXHAUST yourself. Then you can go home and eat pancakes all day, cooked in lard and covered with sugar, then have a lovely mid-afternoon fry-up, followed by a really oily fatty curry in the evening, all safe in the knowledge that it's impossible for you to get fat because, by the law of the NHS, you've burnt off all the calories needed to avoid that ever happening.

It's bollocks.