Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Nastiness in My Locality (Part 2)

You might remember this post from 1st December last year about a very old woman being broken into and raped in the house opposite mine.

Well, after hearing nothing more about it for over 6 months, I've now found out that they've caught the man who did it, he fortunately didn't actually succeed in raping her, and is currently in court in Walsall. Apparently the old lady was 101 years old! That means that, when The Beatles released Sergeant Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band she was already an old woman.

Anyway, she sold the house immediately after; she never actually returned to it after that night. No one's moved into it yet.

The BBC article about the court case is here.

6 Years

Sunday, June 25, 2006

Song of the Day

Paddy Roberts - Ballad of Bethnal Green

I'll tell a tale of a jealous male and a maid of sweet sixteen
She was blonde and dumb and she lived with her mum
On the fringe of Bethnal Green
She worked all week for a rich old Greek
For her dad was on the dole
And her one delight was her Friday night
When she had a little rock and roll

To my rit-fal-lah, to my titty-fal-lal
To my itty-bitty-fal-dal day
To my rit-fal-lah, to my titty-fal-lal
To my itty-bitty-fal-dal day

Then one fine day in the Month of May she found her big romance
He was smart and sleek, with a scar on his cheek
And a pair of drainpipe pants
And she thought ‘with you, I could be so true,
Through all the years to come’
For she loved the gay abandoned way
He chewed his chewing-gum

To my rit-fal-lah, to my titty-fal-lal
To my itty-bitty-fal-dal day
To my rit-fal-lah, to my titty-fal-lal
To my itty-bitty-fal-dal day

It started well because he fell for all her girlish charms
But he had some doubt when he caught her out
In someone else’s arms
And he said, “Look here, you know my dear,
This is going a bit too far
And he went quite white and he sloshed her right
In the middle of her cha-cha-cha

So he went before a man of the law who said, “This will not do.
I’ve had about enough of the sort of stuff
I get from the likes of you.”
And was she peeved when he received
A longish term in clink
In a fit of pique she married the Greek
And now she's dressed in mink.

To my rit-fal-lah, to my titty-fal-lal
To my itty-bitty-fal-dal day
To my rit-fal-lah, to my titty-fal-lal
To my itty-bitty-fal-dal day

Saturday, June 24, 2006

OK, I Know It's Evil and Stupid But...

Big Brother is getting soooo exciting.

On Monday the housemates will do their nominating as usual, but whoever the public vote for won't be evicted. Instead they'll be moved into a secret house next door to the normal Big Brother house!

Then 5 new housemates, all of whom are expecting to join the main Big Brother house, will join that confused housemate.

Then there will be two houses existing in parallel, for a while. The new house is smaller, but has the full range of amenities, including it's own garden. I suppose the new housemates will be told to keep a little quiet in the garden, so the original posse don't hear them.

Ooh, five new housemates! And who will join them? I reckon ... Nikki. After a distressed week of being up for eviction again.

Basically, as the Big Brother website put it, everyone will be really surprised.

Don't PRETEND to not be excited!

Friday, June 23, 2006

Cancelling an AOL Account

Surely they can't last much longer... The full audio transcript, will the complete evil-ness, can be found here.

Love Actually & Return of the Jedi

What do "Love Actually" and "Return of the Jedi" have in common?

I'll tell you. They both make the same HUGE mistake with the subtitles on their DVD release.

You'll all remember how, in Love Actually (if you've seen it), Colin Firth's character (Jamie) goes to France to get some quiet time in which to write his novel. His housekeeper, Aurelia, is Portuguese and doesn't speak any English. Their relationship develops without a shared language, but there is quite a bit of him talking English to her, and her talking Portuguese to him, with muchus comedy ensuing.

Now, in the cinema and on the TV her Portuguese lines were subtitled, so you could understand the humour, but on the DVD release these are embedded in the subtitle track. This means that, if you haven't seen the film before (as Graham hadn't) you won't even know that they're there. If you want to see them you have to turn on the subtitle track, which obviously then shows the subtitles for the deaf for the entire film.

Absolute un-thought-out pap.

And last night I was watching Return of the Jedi (oh glory be), and discovered that they've done EXACTLY the same thing. It took a few minutes for me to realise that I'm used to being able to understand what Jabba is saying, and I remember him being subtitled when I saw it in the cinema back in '83, but there were no subtitles on the DVD I was watching! Again, I had to turn them on in order to understand his lines, which of course then meant that every other person's lines were subtitled too, which is just stupid.

Now, I'm a tolerant "find a workaround" type of chap, so was happy to switch the subtitles on up to the point at which Leia strangles Jabba, but people who haven't seen the film before, or who just don't realise, will be missing a whole bunch of crucial lines.

I mean, if you haven't heard Jabba call his assistant, Bib Fortuna a "weak-minded fool!" then you haven't really watched the film.

I don't get how such a huge mistake could happen. No. Attention. To. Detail.

Thursday, June 22, 2006


Everyone should SO sign up to easymobile. They're the newest mobile phone company on the block and have the best pay-as-you-go tariff known to man, brought to you by the same company that brought you easyjet.

If you sign up now (for £1) they give you £10 of calls free. You also get 90 mins free every time England play a match (whether they win or lose). Also, if you pop my new easymobile number in as a referrer when you register we both get an additional £5 free. Give me a shout if you want it.

Also, right now if you pay £5 when you sign up you get £30 of calls.

Plus, if you buy a £30 top up they send you a free Nokia phone, or you can pay £10, £20, £30 or £80 for a range of other classy Nokia phones.

Finally, check out the tariff:

Calls to other easymobiles - 3p per minute
Calls to other networks - 15p per minute
Texts to easymobiles - 1p
Texts to other networks - 5p
Photo messages - 20p

I guess it's fair to say only a fool wouldn't sign up to a service like that. You could do so right here.

You can even keep your existing number.

This has not been a template email.

Monday, June 19, 2006

World Cup Slogans

FIFA have "composed" a slogan for each of the World Cup teams, and these have been painted on the side of each of the team coaches.

Angola - "Angola lead the way – our team is our people"
(well it is a small country)

Argentina - "Get up, Argentina are on the move"
(why do I have to get up? they're nowhere near me!)

Australia - "Australia Socceroos – Bound for glory"
(that's just a lie)

Brazil - "Vehicle monitored by 180 million Brazilian hearts"
(really? 180 million pumping, disembodied human hearts?)

Costa Rica- "Our army is the team, our weapon is the ball. Let's go to Germany and give it our all"
(that's a little insensitively militaristic. why not just wave a swastika?)

Côte d'Ivoire - "Come on the Elephants! Win the cup in style"
(a team of elephants would have a better chance)

Croatia – "To the finals with fire in our hearts"
(that'll be the dodgy food. a ha ha)

Czech Republic – "Belief and a lion's strength, for victory and our fans"
(oi, England are the lions. fools)

Ecuador – "Ecuador my life, football my passion, the cup my goal"
(fair enough. shame it's never going to happen.)

England - "One Nation, One Trophy, Eleven Lions"
(23 lions)

France – "Liberté, egalité, Jules Rimet"
(he was just a chap!)

Germany - "For Germany, through Germany"
(that doesn't really mean anything does it?)

Iran - "Stars of Persia"
(can't you just change your name back, if it's that important to you?)

Italy – "Blue pride, Italy in our hearts"
(sounds like poo bride)

Japan - "Light up your Samurai spirit!"
(classic anglo-japanese translation)

Korea Republic - "Never-ending legend, united Korea"

Ghana – "Go Black Stars, the stars of our world"
(ok, black stars are a type of LSD)

Mexico - "Aztec passion across the world"
(really? so you're going to kill everyone there and sacrifice them to the sun?)

Netherlands – "Oranje on the road to gold"
(ha! you can't spell orange!)

Paraguay – "From the heart of America... this is the Guarani spirit"
(isn't that some kind of caffeine tablet?)

Poland – "White and red, dangerous and brave"

Portugal – "With a flag in the window and a nation on the pitch. Força Portugal"
(we've all got a flag in the window and a nation on the pitch. what's your unique selling point?)

Saudi Arabia - "The Green Hawks cannot be stopped"
(yeah, what about Saudi Arabia?)

Serbia and Montenegro - "For the love of the game"
(oh, you could have celebrated the love of the game without leaving home)

Spain – "Spain. One country, one goal"
(erm, 2 goals, unless you're cheating, cheater)

Switzerland – "2006, it's Swiss o'clock"
(yep, that makes sense)

Sweden – "Fight! Show spirit! Come on! You have the support of everyone"
(erm, not everyone. only a very small proportion of the world's population)

Togo – "A passion to win and a thirst to succeed"
(and not a cat in hells chance)

Trinidad and Tobago - "Here come the Soca Warriors – the fighting spirit of the Caribbean"
(yeah, i hope you win. you invented steel drums)

Tunisia – "The Carthage Eagles... higher and stronger than ever"
(again, change your name back to Carthage if it's that important to you! otherwise it makes no sense)

Ukraine – "With our support, Ukraine cannot fail to win!"
(is that how it works?)

USA - "United we play, United we win"
(and if that doesn't work, bomb Germany)

Kitty Blog

The daily doings of Kitty.

Gotta Support the Team

So, the World Cup's been great so far, speaking as a non-football-follower. OK, I don't watch the non-England games as avidly as the England games, but that's understandable, I think.

So, I've been thinking, should I start to follow football in general? Once the world cup is finished and a new season begins, it could be fun to pick a team and follow their fates.

But how do you pick a football team to support?

Phil says that West Bromwich Albion are my local team so I should go with them, but I feel no affinity to them, and to be honest I'm am just not a "Black Country" type of guy; I'm urban and rural, not weird. Then there's Birmingham City - I feel more of an affinity there as I know several Blues supporters, but what if they're crap? Also Graham says that they're not even a real football team (circa 1990).

Then there's Paul; he supports Manchester United. Now, many would could him a glory supporter, after all you're always going to be satisfied when you're backing one of the best teams in the world. Maybe he just hates underdogs. Phil says I should support a local team, otherwise there's no point, so that would rule out anyone really good. I can see where he's coming from; it would be a little silly to support a team who I could never go and see.

My mum supports Leeds United, because it's her home town(ish), and my sister supports Derby County because she likes the name (circa 1988).

And then there's Aston Villa. Now they're supported by my father, and my father's father, and my father's father's father's father. But Phil says they're boring, and my ears are still ringing from working with a guy who sang "sh*t on the Villa" all day long, and (to the tune of Camptown Races):

"Who put the ball in Villa's net?
Arthur, Arthur,
Who put the ball in Villa's net?
Half the football league

Half the football league
Half the football league
Who put the ball in Villa's net?
Half the football league"

I'm sure that conceding goals from only half of the teams in the league isn't that bad a thing.

Anyway, Dr Phil also says that it's important to not be too clinical about choosing a football team. It's supposed to be emotive; about passion, about belonging. But do I want to belong? I'm not sure I do. Football, football teams and football supporters do have a tendency to leave a slight bad taste in my mouth. I think I'm uncomfortable with the abandonment of logic in the face of an "us and them" situation. I think because it's the root of so many problems for humanity as a whole, and is something I strive to move away from in my everyday thoughts and doings.

So what, in all of this, is my motivation for pursuing the search for a team to support? I'm not sure. Maybe I'm just looking for something to do; maybe I crave the sense of belonging, the duplicitous friend it is. Maybe I want to sustain the fantastic sense of anticipation, hope, tension and elation that the recent England matches have brought.

But maybe it's just not in my blood, and that me and people with surnames like Keenan and McManamon just aren't meant to walk parallel paths.

Still thinking though...

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

Dogwatch / Dogspotter

While investigating possible dog related domain name registrations today, I looked at www.dogwatch.co.uk and www.dogwatch.com. Both of these are invisible dog containment and fencing solutions that train your dog to stay "within his boundaries" by subjecting him to a loud noise followed by an electric shock if he steps outside the designated area in his garden.


Also I went to www.dogspotter.com that gives a very rude error message that makes me want to click refresh over and over again, which I did.

The search for a quality dog-related domain name continues. Although I might just go with the available www.dogspotter.co.uk.

If Brazil Win the World Cup...

...that will be the 3rd time since they were given the original trophy to keep.

Does that mean that they'll keep the current one?

Thursday, June 08, 2006

The Peace and Iyatoni Website -It's Radioshow-tastic!

Get The Hoff to Number One!

Marzipan Babies!

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

The Pirate Bay's Great New Logo