Saturday, October 29, 2005

Billy Connolly Records Trailer for I Am No Idea Show!

Wow, What's This? Some Kind of Trailer???

Friday, October 28, 2005

Dave's 50 Times Song of the Day - The Harder They Come

You look an intelligent and discerning type. Therefore you're sure to like really really good music.

You should really check out this song. It's from Willie Nelson's newest album, Countryman, and is a cover of a Jimmy Cliff song.

Also, doesn't a Willie Nelson sound like a really painful wrestling move?

Willie Nelson - The Harder They Come

Well they tell me of a pie in the sky,
Waiting for me when I die,
But between the day you're born and when you die,
They never even seem to hear you cry.

So as sure as the sun will shine,
I'm going to get my share now of what's mine,
The harder they come, the harder they fall,
One and all,
The harder they come, the harder they fall,
One and all.

Well the officers are trying to keep me down,
Trying to drive me underground,
And they think that they have got the battle won,
I say forgive them Lord, they know not what they've done,

Cos as sure as the sun will shine,
I'm going to get my share now of what's mine,
And the harder they come, the harder they fall,
One and all,
And the harder they come, the harder they fall,
One and all.

I keep on fighting for the things I want,
For I know that when you're dead you can't,
But I'd rather be a free man in my grave,
Than living as a puppet or a slave.

It's Friday!

Yep, the weekend lies ahead like a blurry landscape. Only a few structures are visible on the horizon. There's Bob's First Radio Show on Saturday from 8-9pm, there's the Halloween Radio Show starring Paul and Dave, from (I think) 2pm-4pm on Sunday, there's the Madeleine Peyroux concert at the Barbican in London on Sunday evening. Then a trip down to Bristol on Monday morning to work there for the day, attend a focus group, and spend 4 hours with Someone.

All good stuff eh? That just leaves a very empty this evening, and an even emptier Saturday until 8pm. I guess I can fill them up with some CSI, and hopefully some tidying, cleaning and essay writing. We'll have to see.

Still, at least no one clicked here.

Thursday, October 27, 2005


So, beavers are being re-introduced to the UK after 500 years of extinction due to them being hunted for their fur.

That's all good, but look at the widgies!

I'm going to hunt them to extinction to gather their cuteness!

And then I'm going to get their cuteness, cover my room with it, and roll around on the floor in it, shouting 'widgie, fringy foo foo!'

Anyone care to join me?

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

Radioshow 16

OK, so this one's over a week old. And actually I did promise Bob that I'd upload it last Wednesday.

But it's here now so eat up and be grateful what you're given!

Dave & Paul - Radioshow 16

Monday, October 24, 2005

Understanding Marx

You've so got to check out this song. I found it on a website that Paul introduced me to called the 365 Days Project.

I've written out the lyrics myself and am pretty sure they're right, apart from the one little but that I've asterisked out because I don't know what the guy's saying. It's kind of like the type of song that you'd find on a seventies kids American educational TV programme, but is for adults. Mental!

Understanding Marx

Understanding Marx will straighten out your head (oh yes it will),
More than anything that you have read,
Freud's a fraud and Skinner's of no use,
Read Marx and Lenin, it will really turn you loose,

When I was in high school I sat in the back row and I thought to myself,
"This is really for shit",
I just couldn't wait to get out and do something on my own,
So I quit school and went out to look for a job,
First I waited on tables, then I worked at Woolworths, and then I emptied bedpans in a hospital,
But no matter where I worked it was all the same,
And I got so I just couldn't take it any more,
Well one day I went home and I found my ma sitting there,
She'd been fired by the phone company cos they said she was too old,
And I saw a book on her lap and I asked her what it was,
She said, "baby, that's Capital, Volume One. You know, by Karl Marx."
And I said, "huh", and she said "that's right, here take a look."
And I read that book, and now I've come to realise that as long as I have to sell my labour power to the boss, I work for his profit and not for myself or my fellow humankind!

Understanding Marx will straighten out your head (oh yes it will),
More than anything that you have read,
Freud's a fraud and Skinner's of no use,
Read Marx and Lenin, it will really turn you loose,

You know, I had me a nice looking job, and it paid pretty good you know?
And I got myself a swimming pool, a ******* Pontiac, even a snow-mobile – one of the Jap makes.
But the more I spent the more I’d end up owing, and I had to work overtime at the God-damn job,
Well I’m in the locker room one night, after the shift, and the janitor comes in and he says, “fellow worker, you look mighty unhappy”,
And I said, “huh?” and he said, “read this” and he gives me a book,
So I said, “what’s this?” and he says, “it’s State and Revolution. It’s by Lenin.”
Well I’m not a man who reads many books, but I read that book and now I know that as along as you sell yourself you cannot be yourself. And you cannot snowmobile your way down the forest trail to inner peace.

Understanding Marx will straighten out your head (oh yes it will),
More than anything that you have read,
Freud's a fraud and Skinner's of no use,
Read Marx and Lenin, it will really turn you loose,

I graduated at ***********, and I thought I had a responsibility to help out people who didn’t know how to help themselves,
So I went into the Peace Corps and I taught Nigerians how to fixed cars and run hotels.
Then I came back home and went to DC. I doled out money for minority businesses; you know, black capitalism.
Well, one day some congressman came to see one of my best projects, and I couldn’t believe my eyes – the workers were on strike!
So I said, “what’s going on here?”, and they said, “prices are high, wages are low and working conditions are terrible”
And I said, “but you’re working for one of your kind.”
And they answered, “he’s not one of us. Here, read this”.
It was a little book called "On the Correct Handling of Contradictions Among the People", by Mao Tse Tung.
I’ve read a lot of books, but when I read that book, well now I understand that the only way to bring about social change is to organise a united mass movement based upon the class interests of the proletariat.

Understanding Marx will straighten out your head (oh yes it will),
More than anything that you have read,
Freud's a fraud and Skinner's of no use,
Read Marx and Lenin, it will really turn you loose.

How Tired Am I?

No, it's not the name of new quiz show. I am just ridiculously tired.

I was back at college on Saturday; the first day back there since "the incident". How did it go? It went very well. Thanks for asking....

Pepsi has left the course, as I somewhat expected she might. She spoke to the tutor last week to let him know. She's passed on a message to tell the rest of the group that she's happy for them to contact her if there's anything they want to say. I think she might shortly be receiving a few letters made out of cut up newspapers.

But anyway, we talked over what had happened and the tutor wanted to assure me that whay Pepsi had done in that session constituted abuse, and several members of the class also gave me their support and told me that they were appalled at how she had behaved. So then I felt extremely vindicated, but then started to feel a bit bad for Pepsi. I also found out that she's only 21, which is really far too young to be on a counselling course.

Anyway, the weekend was great. Challenging and painful, but great. By the end of Saturday I was severely dead from all the 'processing' yet still managed to chat to Lisa (mmmmm, Lisa) until half one in the morning. That meant that when I went back to college on Sunday morning I was still severely dead-peared, and so left at lunchtime. I then spent the afternoon watching CSI and chatting to various women from the Internet (because the Internet is where women come from), none of whom are as interesting as Lisa (mmmm, Lisa).

Anyway (3rd anyway), this all means that I'm still shattered, knackered and absolutely exhausted. So I'm sitting in that slumped position in my work chair that I'm sure makes it clear to all the people who work around me that I'm not doing any work whatsoever. But I feel OK though, you know, after having just got a message from Lisa (mmmm, Lisa).

Monday, October 17, 2005

Madeleine Peyroux! So Excited!!!

Yep, so excited. Madeleine Peyroux is the most exciting thing to happen to the world in the last million billion years. She is the greatest jazz singer of all time, and I (and Bob, incidentally) are going to see her in London on the 30th of October

OK, so it's not the most practical thing I've ever planned to do. I have to do a radio show on the Sunday afternoon (actually the Halloween radio show) then get straight down to London. Then after the concert I have to get home again and sleep before leaving out really early the following morning to get to Bristol, where I will be attending a focus group and spending the afternoon with someone.

So I hope you're all jealous of my classy jazz concert attending lifestyle. I hope at the very least you'll dance me to the end of love.

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

Has Any Tried This?

1- Go to Google
2- Type in the word "Failure"
3- Instead of clicking "Google Search" click "I'm Feeling Lucky"

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

The Unpleasantness, for Des...

OK, so the Chinese girl. Well she lives in London and works and studies there. Her English isn't great. OK, that's wrong, her English really is great - that kind of broken English that sounds really cool.

OK, this is starting to feel a bit like a blokes' locker room chat.

OK, so my strategy on Lycos was this. When you visit a person's page you appear on their 'most recent visitors' list. These visitors are the most likely people for people to go and visit back. As I use Firefox and can do the reverse-C shaped mouse gesture, this enables me to get a list of profiles on screen and open them all simultaneously in new tabs. Then I get flooded with visitors.

Of course I have perused many pages, found women that look interesting, and have left friendly messages behind. No, sod it! I've left intelligent, charming, witty and urbane messages behind! OK, I don't know what urbane means but it seems to go with witty.

One such woman was this Chinese girl, real name Kaisu (yeah, I know!). Her first message was:

I like the men

I then did my friendly good evenings and stuff (I'm not quoting them verbatim here - feel silly). She responded...

I have very gentle hands that would love to caress a fella.
I am having good evening but I am lonely.
Are you?

I say that I'm knackered after a long day at work and asked her if she'd been out that evening (it was about midnight). She responds...

You are in need of.. I think you call it tender loving care.
I am studying.
I did not go out to bar with friends. I stay home

Now, I know it's not been much of a conversation, but this is where I start to get bored. I sod off. We talk again a week or two later...

Hello again
Remember me
I think you is very sexy
I like to invite you to my place
he would like that???

I respond with something along the lines of - I don't think we can meet, I live so far away. Her response...

I think you would like to meet me
I will travel to you
that would be best

Again I sod off.

Now I know what you're thinking - what an evil woman! OK, you're probably not, but I just didn't really want to progress it; it wasn't going in the direction I wanted.

Anyhoo, the next morning I awoke to find no less than 6 messages from her in my public guestbook. I haven't got these any more as I delete all guestbook entries, for some strangely unknown reason. I think I'm trying to not put other women off by being too popular. :)

Anyway her messages consisted of...

Why don't you reply?

When can I come and see you?

Let me have your mobile number?

Don't you want to see my lovely body?

OK, now I read it all back I can see why I might not get a lot of sympathy for this situation. But basically, on top of the other woman (bad choice of words), it started to feel like the whole Lycos situation was spiralling out of control, so I quit, and haven't looked back. Except to miss maybe one person on there who I liked a lot.

So there, a hellish time I'm sure you'll agree.

OK, What I Want for My Birthday!!!!!!!

Right, so I've tracked down the print of the picture I mentioned in one of my earlier posts - The First Harvest in the Wilderness by Durand Asher.

I'm going to buy this for myself, but I really thought I should mention that if anyone wanted to buy me a birthday present then they could pledge to get me one of these. I want to get all of them, I think!

Why do I love them? Good question. I think it's because

a) they're just beautiful

b) they're not just landscapes, but they depict human life, or signs of human life, living within the landscape. I think there's something about the relationship of people with nature that strikes an emotional chord with me.

Trolleys, Thousands of Them, All Uninhabited

OK, so I appreciate that it's been a hell of a long time since I've done a proper post here at Perfectly Beastly. Well I've been doing stuff - most of which I don't want to talk about. This however I want to talk about.

OK, firstly lets set the rather large context for this story: For the last 6 weeks or so (since I housesat for Heather and Leon) I've been casually perusing the Love@Lycos site and chatting to reams of women. My reasons for this? Let's call them curiosity, boredom at work (and indeed boredom at Heather's when I was there) and perhaps social confidence building.

OK, so on Lycos your reasons for being there are explicitly stated on your profile. There are several options available, including:

* Just to chat.
* Just looking.
* To see what happens.
* Just to flirt.
* For cyber sex.
* To meet up for a date.
* Marriage etc.

Now I put "just to chat". Well firstly I put "to see what happens" but then I realised that that was a little too open so I changed it.

Let me just make clear that I don't want any of the following:

* To meet up for sex
* A girlfriend
* Marriage
* Anything!
* Ew!

OK, now it would appear that I'm actually really quite charming when I chat online with women. I think I appear interesting:

* Trainee counsellor
* Writer
* Musician

I'm also extremely honest and most of all normal. When it comes to chatting to the women on there I also don't come across as a sexual predator which is what a large proportion of the men on there are (women too).

OK, so after being swamped by about 12 women at a time for a while, and after a slightly unpleasant experience with a young pretty Chinese girl from London who wanted to come to Birmingham to show me her "beautiful body" and didn't understand why I wanted no part in this madness, I shut down my profile and deleted all but 4 Lycos people from my MSN list. These are, with an air of anonymity:

* T - 28 year old teacher, about to have all of her hair shaved off for charity which sitting in stocks and wearing a bikini. Incidentally her parents forced her to have her hair shaved off when she was 11 and so she's now terrified of doing it again and I'm supporting her with this.

* M - 33 year old white South African lady who now lives in the UK. We started chatting about 3 or 4 weeks ago. She was about to go away for the weekend but when we started chatting online she decided she'd rather meet me for the weekend for plenty sex and general getting to know each other. Suffice to say she still ended up going away for the weekend. But, despite the mental, she's OK to talk to.

* E - 29 year old (I think) woman in a violent relationship. 5 years ago she was 8 months pregnant. Her husband hit her and she fell and lost the baby. She can no longer have babies. She is an extremely broken women, who walks on the beach and through forests at 2am in the morning, often being followed, but doesn't actually care what happens to her. She's also extremely nice, extremely loving, has a lovely smile, and despite all the crap has an air of autonomy about her that means that, despite my heart strings being seriously pulled by her story, I don't feel any need from her or responsibility for her.

* H - 29 year old (again, I think) woman. She is the main subject of this blog post, and so probably justifies the creation of a new paragraph. No, I'll bullet-point her...

* She's totally deaf, but can hear OK-ish with a hearing aid.
* Her deafness means that she can't go to pubs or clubs because she can't hear people over the ambient noise / music.
* Her dad died two years ago. She was an absolute daddy's girl, desperately misses him, and professes to need a man to come and take his place. She wants to be taken care of.
* She won't do relationships from the deaf community - wants someone stronger than her to take care of her.
* She has met and slept with approximately 30 people from the Lycos site, and other sites.
* She has relationships with guys she meets online. When the relationships ultimately end she goes back onto Lycos, creates a new fake profile, chats up her ex-boyfriend and eventually gets him to talk about his past girlfriends, including her. She then extracts information from him about what he really feels about the real her. Naturally this information isn't always easy to hear.
* She keeps these fake profiles and apparently develops them into fantasy worlds where she lives out an online persona of a person who has a job, a family etc.
* (WARNING) - She is turned on by the idea of killing men, and women too. The idea of killing a horrible guy like a leery builder or a football hooligan really really excites her

OK, now you may be asking - Mr Perfectly Beastly, why are you still chatting to these mad, mad, mad, mad, mad women? Well the answer is this - these women fit into two categories for me. 1) autonomous - E & M need nothing from me, so I chat to them without expectation and it's really really nice. T & H both need support from so I tend to slip into the counsellor role with them. I hate the idea of rejecting people, so I maintain a supportive role with them, while they know that, even though they both profess to having developed feelings for me, I will never meet them.

With H specifically I feel that she probably struggles to accept herself; she's very lonely and gets very down, so I feel the need to offer her acceptance. Eventually I intend to draw the relationships to a close, but I feel that, for the moment, I can be of benefit to them both / all.

OK, so that's the context laid down!!!!!

Right, I went to college last night - all groovy etc. The second half of the session consists of 'triads'. Now these aren't the Chinese mafia, rather they're groups of 3 people where 1 is the counsellor, 1 is the client, and 1 observes the two interacting and provides feedback to the counsellor on what they saw them do. Now we all took turns in performing each role. My last role was as client.....

I decided to discuss the situation regarding H, mainly because last Monday when she'd told me about most of this stuff it had kind of made me want to run to the hills, while also making me want to accept her. In fact it gave me a pretty tumultuous week, emotionally speaking. So I explained the situation to the girl in the counsellor role - I'll call her Pepsi. After about a minute she clammed up, slammed her book, said she didn't understand, refused to make eye contact and went thoroughly weird. Now I don't know how much you know about being a counsellor, but this is a very very unsafe way to be with someone who is in the client role - they're opening themselves up and revealing their emotions.

Now I didn't really cover the sexual aspect of H's situation, this only got a mention.

Anyway, after the session she walked out and slammed the door. Downstairs back in the teaching room she walked in when the teacher and I were in there then walked straight out again - all very weird.

Now the evening ended with a half-hour 'check out' session where we all discuss how our triads went. A couple of people chatted about their's and what had happened. Then, Pepsi started talking. She said that the person she had been counselling had just made something up and lied to her all through the session, that she thought this was horrible and disgusting etc. The teacher asked her if she'd like to direct this to the person, and she then directly accused me of lying and making it all up!

I then had to explain myself to the group, going over what I'd discussed to give everyone a context to this accusation. I explained that I don't lie and that I was now put in a really awkward situation. You see everyone else has been on this course since April. I joined it part-way through in September. Now everyone there knows just three things about me:

* I play a lot of poker.
* I chat to girls on Lycos.
* I may or may not lie in counselling sessions.

This is extremely awkward. The teacher wanted me to direct my words of self-defence and general explanation at Pepsi, but she was extremely aggressive, said that she had a gut-instinct that I was lying, and that my stating that I wasn't lying was just 'clever mind games'.

Now, I feel I must restate that this is a counselling course. People come here to learn about themselves and to discuss their lives in a safe environment.

Now, there was one other person present in the triad – the observer. At this point in the group though, she was almost shaking and said that she couldn’t get involved or take sides. Now I could tell from how she acted in the session that she was blissfully unaware of what was going on, and it was only after Pepsi had walked out and slammed the door, and I had commented on how strange it had been that she even noticed that anything had been weird in the session.

Anyway, the teacher couldn’t take sides in this; neither could any of the students. This meant that no one was really able to offer me any support apart from telling me that I shouldn’t leave the course because of this, and that we would resolve the situation in future weeks through talking about it. They also expressed concern for how Pepsi was feeling.

Now Pepsi had discussed in her role as client that she wants to leave the course having only joined it because she thought she could earn lots of money being a counsellor and didn’t realise how much hard work and self-reflection was involved. Now hopefully by next week (the next session is a week on Saturday for a whole weekend!!!) she’ll have decided not to come back, as was the most likely outcome of her deliberations. However, I’m concerned now that she’ll come back and stick with the course just to show me that she won’t be pushed out by my lies! OK, maybe I’m being dramatic there, but it seems plausible from the way she acted.

If she does come back I’m not sure how we’ll progress it. She seems completely unwilling to entertain the idea that I might not have lied in my role as client and is really aggressive. I should also add (perhaps defensively) that she’s also not particularly intelligent or articulate. Now I feel a bit bad saying that, but it’s actually true and is a factor in the situation. In fact at one point in the group she explained how she’d “bought something up”. I very nearly said “do you mean you BROUGHT something up?”, but I didn’t think that would help diffuse the situation.

Anyway, I will go back to college next Saturday, despite the weirdness, and deal with the situation. It’s completely insane, but it’s that kind of insane that means that I feel completely fine with my role in it all and so I’m just doing the sanity dance along to someone else’s Song of Madness. Of course a situation like this makes you wonder what you did or said to trigger off such a response, but I’m not going to concern myself with that.

Anyway, this has been a 2,041 word essay, so I’ll leave it now. Byeeeee!

Consider yourself updated!

Sunday, October 09, 2005

Radioshow 15!

Ker! Can you believe we've done 15 of these things now?

Well, here's the latest two-hour extravaganza

Dave & Paul (with Bob) - Radioshow 15

Thursday, October 06, 2005

Radioshow 14

One of our radio station's regular DJs is off for a couple of months, so his Wednesday radio slot is being shared around a few other popular DJs. This week it was mine and Paul's turn to do his slot.

Therefore, here is our latest 2 hour show, although the beginning is missing.